Let it out!!!! And then say Thank You!

Scream...Yell...Cry... or just talk very bold... Today is your day!!!!  I've decided to select Wednesday to have a Let it Out post and also a Thank You post.  What I plan to do is to list five things that I am just fed up with and then list five things that I am so thankful for.  I figure if you balance it out it won't seem so negative.  And... what better day to do this than on hump day!  We are on top of the hill today and it is all downhill from here!  Perfect!!!  So here goes...

TIME TO LET IT OUT!!!!!

1.  I will be so glad when all of the political talk has calmed down.  I get so bothered by everyone trying to slander everyone else to make themselves look good.  I don't care what you did or who you did it with.  And to top it off, RD is all about politics.  We agree on some of the issues but not on all of them.  We have finally agreed to disagree and try hard not to talk about.  UGH!

2.  I recently leased a 2011 Malibu.  This is actually my second Malibu.  My first one I absolutely loved.  It was the best car I have ever owned.  It was time to turn it in (I love to lease) so I decided to get another Malibu.  They had awesome deals and rebates going that I couldn't pass up.  Well... I should have passed them up.  Now I understand why the rebates were so good.  I have an LT and I think it is actually a LS.  There are little things that they decided not to do with this LT that I tried to just forget about.  No big deal... moving right along.  The first major difference I noticed from my last Malibu is the breaking system.  It feels like the breaks don't catch right on this one.  When I took it in, they said everything checked out okay.  When I went to pick it up, the service guy told me "Make sure you keep your service receipt on this one.  You never know."  Wow... that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Then we are driving down the road and RD turns on the turn signal to go left.  I noticed my turn signal sounded funny.  Keep in mind I just got this car the end of May beginning of June (7 months ago!).  My front left turn signal was out!  I took it in to have it changed and I was told they had to take the whole front bumper off my car!  WHAT????  So they had my car the majority of the day yesterday to change a turn signal light.  Oh Goodness!!!!  Piece of advice... don't get a Malibu!!!!!!!  

3.  Doctors who are jerks!  We had to take Grayson to a plastic surgeon yesterday at Riley Children's Hospital.  (I'll explain more later.  Nothing major.)  We are called back to one of the patient rooms and RD and I wait patiently with Grayson for the doctor to come in.  When he comes in he introduces himself, no hand shaking or anything.  He sits down and asks us what we are there for.  So I tell him.  He looks at Grayson's ear and then briefly tells me about the procedure.  I ask him to actually explain to me the whole procedure.  So he does.  He was a very brief and matter-of-fact kind of guy.  Not sympathetic or warm.  I told him I was a little worried about the procedure and he told me Riley has 12 operating rooms running at all times.  He said he is in the best place for surgery.  He then went on to tell me that there are patients he deals with who have much more severe situations and they all are doing great.  Okay, I get that Grayson's procedure is minor but he is still my baby!   A little compassion would be nice!  Thanks!  And to top it off, he starts checking all over Grayson's head to see if he can find more work to be done.  He even pointed to Grayson's stork kiss that is located right between his eyes.  Hands off, please!  

4.  Amazon Mom is changing!  I started purchasing diapers through Amazon Mom because I saved so much money and I was on a schedule where they would just ship them to me.  Well, they are no longer doing this for free.  You have to sign up for their Amazon Prime Membership.  I think it is like $79 a year.  I just might have to do it!  I'm going to research a few different places to see if I can find diapers cheap, but man does this make me sad!!!!  

5. I saved the main reason for starting this post for last!  Last Sunday we had a particular family member come over to the house to see Grayson.  When he/she arrived I stayed only a few minutes and then thought it would be best to go run a few errands.  I think I may have been gone for about two hours or so.  When I got home I instantly went over to tell Grayson I was back.  He got so excited and just smiled the entire time I was talking to him.  When I started to walk away, he began to cry.  So, I went over and took him from this particular family member.  When I went to pick him up, he/she told me he was passing gas a lot and he/she thought he might have had a painful toot which is why he started to cry.  WHAT?  Could the reason why he began to cry as I walked away be because he wanted his Mommy?  Did that thought EVER cross your mind?  When I picked him up he stopped crying instantly and was fine the rest of the entire night.  Please stop being so obsessed with my son's gas!  Babies toot!  Adults toot!  Animals toot!  GET OVER IT!!!!  Wow... I feel much better now.  

Now... since I got that all out of my system,  

TIME TO GIVE THANKS AND SHOW MY APPRECIATION...

1.  While sitting in the waiting room at Riley Hospital for Children, I saw so many sick babies.  There were babies who were wheel chair bound.  I saw babies who had scars going from one side of their head to the other.  My heart just broke.  I turned and looked at Ron and told him how lucky we are to have such a healthy and happy baby.  The whole entire time I was pregnant, I prayed every day that God would help me create our miracle and that he would be healthy and happy.  I am so blessed that He heard  me.  We couldn't have asked for more with Grayson.  He truly is a blessing.  

2.  I am appreciative of my blog, the people I have met from my blog, and other bloggers.  I was seriously considering to delete this blog.  I am always afraid of sharing too much information or posting too many pictures.  The fear of one day having a psycho stalker crosses my mind often.  It seems anymore just one small piece of information about a person can tell you where they live, how old they are, what color hair they have, etc.  But, I decided not to.  Lately I have read several articles about blogging.  Many of them talk about how new mom's find comfort in telling their stories and hearing stories from other Mom's.  It helps to know you are not alone.  Other Mom's have been right where you are and they were able to get through it... whatever it might be.  

3.  This sounds crazy, but I am appreciative of my DVR!  You didn't think all five of my appreciations were going to be serious did you?  I love... love... love my DVR!  I am totally addicted to the soap opera The Young and the Restless!  I have been watching this stupid show ever since I was in second grade.  During the summer, I would spend every single day with my friend Michelle.  Her Mom was a stay at home Mom so we spent the majority of the time at her house.  And because The Young and the Restless is on during lunch time, we always ate lunch and watched it.  I have been addicted ever since!  I use to tape it on the old VCR and now I get to DVR it.  I love it!!!!

4.  I am appreciative of SUSHI!!!  I can't even begin to tell you how much I love that stuff.  But, I will only eat the cooked kinds of sushi.  I don't eat raw fish and I don't like the fish eggs they put on the tops of some.  EWE... I could definitely do without those!  RD and I found a place by where we live that has sushi.  It isn't the best but for the price it is pretty good.  And it is really fresh.  So... in my opinion... you can't go wrong!!!!  I love it!!!!!!

5.  The other day I went to McDonalds for lunch.  I drove through the drive thru because I was short on time.  When the lady handed me back my debit card, she told me to have a blessed day.  I remember a while back a story on the news where an employee said that to another person and it seemed to spark a lot of controversy.  I have never seen the harm in it nor will I ever.  I was glad she said it and that she said it to me.  As silly as this sounds, it meant something to me.  She didn't know and will never know how it made me feel.  But it has stuck with me ever since.   

       

Time for Bed

Bedtime has always been a sweet time.  Before I would get a bottle and rock Grayson to sleep.  But right before he turned four months old things started to change.  Bedtime became somewhat of a hassle.  His routine of falling asleep quickly suddenly was nonexistent.  He started to fight sleep.  If he would fall asleep, the minute you laid him down he was wide awake.  This went on for several nights.  

When we went for his four month appointment with his pediatrician, we were told we needed to start letting him "cry it out."  He told us there was no harm in letting him cry himself to sleep.  He said he needs to know how to "self soothe". Our pediatrician told us if we get a routine started, like if I rock him to sleep every night, then he will become dependent on that routine.  He told us him and his wife let their son cry it out for two hours straight one night.  He said there were two ways of doing it.  We could either do it cold turkey where you don't go in there at all and you let the baby cry until he falls asleep or you could go in there every ten to fifteen minutes and calm him down.  He recommended cold turkey.  RD was totally on board with this idea where as me... not so much!   

Later that day, I started to search on the Internet about the "CIO" methods and the "No Tears" methods.  Oh yes... they actually have terms for all of this.  I had no idea!  The comments that were made for either way were crazy!  And... being a new parent I found myself buying into many of them.  Grayson's doctor's appointment was on a Wednesday.  We started this new routine that Friday.  OMG... it was the worst night ever!!!!  

I dreaded it the entire day because I knew what we were in for.  We did his normal routine of giving him a bath, reading him a book, and then putting him in bed... but this time we put him in bed AWAKE.  He screamed and cried for about an hour straight and then started to calm down.  Me, I cried for the first ten minutes and tried to drink wine to help comfort me.  It didn't work!  After he fell asleep the first time, he woke up every hour crying and screaming again.  I ended up going to bed around 10 pm because I wasn't sure how this whole night was going to play out.  At 12:45 am, he woke up again and this time we both got up with him. 

The one part I left out of this story is ever since we brought Grayson home he has slept in the base of his swing.  I was, and still kind of am, a little paranoid that if he spit up in the middle of the night and if he was lying on his back he would choke.  If he slept in the base of his swing, I could keep him at a little bit of an angle so he wouldn't choke and everything would be okay.  So, to make matters worse about this whole situation, RD and his pediatrician said he needed to start sleeping on his back.  Okay, so now I've admitted everything.  Not only were we trying to let him cry himself to sleep but we took away his comfy little bed and he was now laying on a hard flat cold piece of whatever it is.  

Okay...back to the story... so when Grayson woke up at 12:45 am, I looked at RD and I told him something had to give.  We had a baby who slept so good through the night and now he is waking up all the time.  I told him I thought it might be best to make one change at a time.  What if we did the CIO method but allowed him to still sleep in his swing base.  He agreed.  We laid Grayson in his little bed after he ate and he was content and eventually fell asleep on his own.  No screaming and crying!  

For the next few nights, we tried the whole CIO method.  Let's face it... I couldn't do it!  One night I was in the laundry room with the washer running and the door closed.  I could still hear him screaming and crying.  I just didn't think it was right or fair to him.  There is going to come a time when he is going to be too big for me to rock.  He is only four months old!  So, to make a long story short... I no longer put him in bed at night awake.  I give him his bottle and I rock him until he is pretty sleepy.  Then I lay him in his bed and he falls asleep.  When he wakes up early in the morning, I lay him back in bed awake and he ends up talking himself to sleep.  I feel like he is on a better sleeping pattern now then what he use to be.  He knows when it is bed time and he puts his little head on my shoulder and talks himself to sleep.  This is much better for all of us then letting him scream and cry.  

One thing I've learned and will continue to learn is... he is our baby.  It is so easy for somebody else to say what you should or shouldn't do.  The bottom line is... you know him better than anyone and only you know what is best!           

Grayson's Four Months Old!!!

Our little baby boy turned four months old on December 26th!  I can't believe how quickly time has flown by!! It seems just like yesterday I was preparing for my last day at work.  Now, I'm talking about his four month stats and what he is doing.  Wow... where has the time gone???

These are the things our little man is doing now-a-days:

*Constantly full of smiles!!!  He is totally a morning person.  As soon as his little eyes open he starts smiling.  It is the cutest thing when you go in to get him after he wakes up.  He gets so excited to see you.  His little legs start kicking and he just giggles.  I love it!

*He has found faces.  He likes to reach up and grab your face or stick his little fingers up your nose.  In the morning when I give him his bottle, he will look at me, reach up, grab my face and just start laughing.  It is hard but I can't help but laugh back.  He has also learned how to reach for peoples' glasses.  So my parents are having to be careful of that.  And he loves to grab hair!  It's a beautiful thing that I have been letting my hair grow out.  What am I thinking????

*He has started eating baby food.  We started him out with cereal, but it was a no go.  Then we moved on to bananas, sweet potatoes, pears, and applesauce.  I'll keep all of those stories and pictures for a later post.

*He weighs 16 lbs.  He is running in the 50th percentile of his age group.  I was pretty happy that he is right in the middle.

*He loves to stand up.  He has been doing this almost ever since he came home.  His little legs are pretty strong.

*He isn't rolling over consistently just yet.  We are working on it.  Let's just say this is a work in progress.

*He talks constantly.  It is so cute to see him talk away and to watch his facial expressions.  Some times he gets a look on his face like he is so serious about what he is saying.  Then when he goes to take a breath and exhales, his voice just gets louder and louder.

*When he yawns, he has learned to make it known.  He is a loud yawner (if that is even a word).

*He is still sleeping very well.  He goes to bed around 7:00 pm or 7:30 pm and doesn't get up until around 3:00 am. Some times he even sleeps until 5 am or 6 am.

Well, that is about all I can share with you for right now.  I don't want to say to much in this post because I have so much to say in future posts.  

Pictures from Christmas... Finally!!!!

Benji is trying to explain Christmas to Grayson.  

I get it!

I'm helping Mommy wrap Christmas presents!!!

Santa brought me this cool toy!  I think I love it!

I was good this year!!!

Not bad...

This is a lot of work!

So much to post... so little time!

I know I promised pictures from Christmas and still have yet to put them up.  I have not forgotten.  I have so much to blog about but finding the time to sit down and do it has been very challenging.  It all goes back to my post on How do you do it???? .  I'm going to try  my best to find time tonight to post pictures and complete all the drafts I've started.  I'll say a little prayer that it all works out for me!  Stay tuned!!

Grayson's First Christmas!!!

Christmas this year was extra special for RD and I since we had our little Grayson.  We received so many "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments that I can't wait to decorate his little Christmas tree with all of them next year.  And I'm happy to say the beginning of our family traditions began!  

Mom and I went to church on Christmas Eve as we have been doing for several years now.  This year Pastor Reeves said so many things that touched me a lot deeper than ever before.  I found myself with tears running down my cheeks.  I felt as though he was talking to me.  He spoke about how you are never alone because God is always with you.  He went on to say that if  you believe in God and if you trust Him, He will help you through the tough times you experience in your life.  He said you have to listen to Him and you have to believe.  Because of the situation I was and still am in with this particular family member, it really hit home.  I left church that night with a feeling of relief.  I knew He would be with me as I faced all the family members who might have possibly been involved with this whole mess.  I knew it was going to be okay and I knew what I had to do.  

After church, Mom and I went back to our house where my Poppie and RD were.  We ate Chinese food and I made my cookie recipe.  I would share it with everyone, but they weren't all that great.  Mom made snicker doodles and they weren't all that great either.  I guess it is a good thing Grayson is still young and isn't real sure what is going on just yet.  This leaves time for Mom and I to become expert cookie makers!  

Christmas morning was a little stressful.  I was trying to make my dishes for the Christmas gathering and I was trying to make sure Grayson had a nap.  Thanks to my Poppie for coming over and helping me get Grayson to sleep.  I ended up messing up my cheese ball which found its way into the trash, but it was all good.  My parents and RD went to the clubhouse where everyone was getting together and I stayed behind at home waiting for Grayson to wake up.  Once he got up, I got him ready and off we went.  I was a little nervous but I knew what I had to do.  I had to stay in control of the situation and I had to stay in control of Grayson.  I'm the Mom and I couldn't let anyone make me think or feel otherwise!  

I think because there were so many people there, this particular family member was occupied with everyone else and didn't focus on Grayson.  Grayson did really good being held by people he didn't know.  He was full of smiles all day long.  I tried my best to stay as far away from this family member as I could, but there were a couple of times when she came over by me.  I just smiled and responded to whatever it was she would talk about.  But I always kept my responses short and to the point.  

I am so happy everything went well.  I am happy nothing was said and nobody had an attitude.  All of RD's other family members were great with me and my parents.  It was as if nothing happened and nobody was offended by anything.  For Grayson's first Christmas... I can honestly say... it was awesome!!!  

I'll post pictures tonight. :)

Stress + 2 Weeks = Flare Up

Shortly following Thanksgiving, RD and I found ourselves facing our first family complication as new parents and as a newly engaged couple.  It seemed Grayson wasn't comfortable with a close relative.  Each time she would hold him he would begin screaming and crying.  As hard as it was for me to see him so upset, I would do my best to hold off taking him and allowing her to try to calm him down.  When I felt enough time had passed and her techniques were not working, I would step in and take him.  This happened twice on Thanksgiving Day.  To make a long story short, she requested to watch Grayson for a half day during that following week so she could spend alone time with him in hopes of them bonding.  I didn't think that was the best solution at this time.  I'll admit I began having a panic attack when this idea was brought to me.  I couldn't imagine Grayson being that upset for four hours with nobody around that could calm him down.  I couldn't do it.  So, instead, I made the suggestion for her to come over to our house a couple of times with us there before she babysits him by herself.  I thought it would be best to allow for him to get to know her in his environment.  And then once he is comfortable enough around her, she is more than welcome to come over and babysit him.  I didn't realize how this simple request could turn into the mess it turned into.

Needless to say, a lot of hurtful things were said on her part about me.  Somebody I thought really liked me and was excited that RD and I were together, suddenly felt very different.  I was no longer a good Mom in her eyes.  My parents were smothering Grayson and Grayson would be better off at a daycare than with my parents during the day.  This went on for about two to two and a half weeks.  The constant back and forth via text messages of hurtful things.  I couldn't believe what was being said and I couldn't believe how something so simple turned out to be so horrible.  I tried to explain where I was coming from but nothing seemed to work.  Every time her name was brought up to me, I would go from having knots in my stomach, to being so angry I wanted to explode, to just crying because I had no other way of letting it out.

Since this whole explosion, I have been around her three different times.  She is acting as if nothing ever happened.  Shortly before the first time I came face to face with her, I received a text message saying, "You know how I feel and I know how you feel."  Well, she didn't and still doesn't know how I feel.  I respect her enough to keep my thoughts and comments to myself.  But, she on the other hand couldn't do that so yes I do know how she feels.  I find it very hard to be around her.  I don't want to look at her.  I have nothing to say to her.  I am very hurt from the things she said.  I'm doing my best right now to go along with her "nothing happened" routine because we are all suppose to be together on Christmas.  I refuse to let anything or anyone ruin Grayson's first Christmas.  His first Thanksgiving will be a reminder of all of this beginning.  I don't want his first Christmas to have any bad reminders.  So, I'm praying all comments remain unsaid!

Because of the stress I have experienced through out the past weeks beginning with Thanksgiving, I am now welcoming my wonderful monster back into my life.  Yes, my UC is back with a vengeance.  Normally I would call my GI doctor and let him know before it gets too bad, but I don't want to do that this time.  The last time I saw him he wanted to do genetic testing on me that insurance does not cover.  I was told the tests are very expensive.  Then he wanted to put me on strong doses of different medications.  I don't want to do that either.  I know the cause of my flare ups.  I just have to learn how to deal with the stress so I don't have to worry about dealing with the consequences.  It never fails, I get stressed out about something, I wait two weeks, and I find myself in pain running to the bathroom.

I stood my ground with this particular family member.  I feel RD is trying to stand beside me but some times teeter totters.  Now that I am finding out who she really is, her comments and actions are not effecting me as much as they were before.  I'm learning to not care about what she has to say or what she does.  Grayson is our son and we have to do what we feel is best.  If she doesn't like it then I'm sorry.